I've been frustrated with myself and have been for the past few days. The horrible tragedies happening around the world right now combined with my depression has all but caged my sadness. I want to be upset, I am but more often than not it never really comes to a forefront. Like a sneeze that passes before fruition. I almost cry, but never do. Somedays there is no better way to find release other than to let creativity flow; whether it be writing, makeup, photography, dance, music or through any means of art. In the broadest sense. Utilise your outlet.
Writing for me is incredibly therapeutic and I’m turning this into a small post on Depression and Anxiety coupled with Online Hate Comments. Anxiety and Depression are serious Mental Disorders. Any one person can have both at the same time. I’ve been incredibly upset and feeling unable to cope.
I am beginning to understand more and more nowadays the statement "Everyone has problems". Mostly this applies to or is quoted verbatim by people who like to 'one up' others. Self centred and somewhat contrived individuals who do like to think, in someway that they are superior in every context. The more time I spend around people like this the more I notice they fit into two categories. The ones who are completely aware of how narcissistic they are and the ones who are oblivious to the fact, to some degree it's a subconscious mannerism. While interesting these types of people do not mix well with someone like me. I will always be the first to put myself down, second guess myself and finally withdraw. I don't need someone to do it for me, but when someone with what can be (although shouldn't be) classified as having figment of the imagination illness and confirms such ailment they are usually dismissed, ridiculed or 'one upped'. Because your problems are never as important as the next persons, or particularly the person in front of you. In their mind at least.
I really don’t get why drama corners me, when I do my best to avoid it. This might seem like an oxymoron considering I vent on twitter sometimes and one could argue that is a case of ‘leaving yourself wide open’ but social platforms like FB or Twitter I think are under a general consensus that the occasional moody rant should just be seen but not touched. In nowadays modern world where social media is such a vital touchstone connecting billions of people worldwide rants, passive aggression and venting come in viral form now rather than verbal one-on-one and should be taken as a passing comment. Nothing more. Social media has a kind of window shop appeal, if you don’t want it you sure as shit don’t have to buy it. You take your lumps and move on. Tweeting, Facebooking, Instagramming and other of the likes are platforms where emotion can fly blind. It is very hard to make sense of what someone is thinking or feeling via the written word because you're unable to read their body language and 'words of wisdom' or a 'hate comments' can get mixed up very easily.
We read, watch and listen to millions of people on the internet every day and form opinions as we do so. What follows is that piercingly strong urge to be heard amongst the crowd and voice ourselves: "No you're wrong" or "Well what I think is" or "Instead you should have". We all want to be heard. And in some perverse way, assume control. Virally.
Perhaps people feel too-safe behind the keyboard. In that they feel absolved in knowing they more than likely will never confront any one person online face to face, they possibly feel like they can say whatever they want. What is the worse possibly outcome? There is no punishment for speaking ones mind after all is there? Little excuses that absolve one from intentionally hurting someone else online with their words. I urge everyone to really think, think long and hard before posting comments online and would like to take the time to remind everyone that there are settings equipped on almost all social media to block/report people. No one should feel hurt from these faceless (in most cases) people or even worse feel threatened. As cliche as it sounds 'No one has the right to make you feel inferior', your feelings matter and they should matter most to you.
To quote Software Engineer & Google CEO Eric Schmidt:
"The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had."
I’d like my intermission.
Gidget xx
This is wonderfully written.
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