As an Anti-Social person socialising is a difficult task, not to mention trying to be yourself. In a world where everyone has expectations of everyone. Be educated but humble. Be aware but resilient. Be charitable but controlled. Am I supposed to be myself or what everyone expects of me? Are they the same?
Recent events have me thinking about these kinds of mental predicaments. It was brought to my attention that my coping skills are 'Fucked up', tuning out the constant flood of bad news goes against 'Awareness and Equality'. I am meant to be a realist and ignite passion for all causes. Apparently being selective is discriminative. Comments like these had me feeling like a horrible person. They make me want to lash out and hurt others. Thought not constructive they are normal feelings. Immature, but normal. I said my peace diplomatically but received no apology for feelings hurt. In a world where everyone sits behind a keyboard you will always be in the wrong no matter how hard you try.
This had me thinking, who the hell are they to tell me how to behave and live my life? These come from people who's contribution to activism is by raising awareness to a problem by sharing it on social media. It's about as useful as throwing a rock. It's going to hit someone but whether anyone really does anything about it is up to each individual it hits. Am I a better person because I physically take a role in helping others? Am I better because I donate to animal shelters? I personally don't think so. I'll never be an egotistical person, I don't think I have the ability to look at myself in a positive light. However, how do others get away with being so narcissistic but have a larger social support system than I do?
I'm sure you'll hear "Selfless Deeds" & "No Judgement" both statements of which are total malarky. There is no such thing as a selfless deed, to be selfless is to feel nothing positive in the instance of doing a good deed and regardless of your reason for doing anything for another you will feel proud of yourself. As for not judging others it's a physical impossibility. The statement bothers me oh so much. I will judge the hell out of you and everything else, however I have the choice to speak my opinion or to keep my mouth shut. No judgement is just slang for 'Keeping thy opinions to oneself'. Yet I see every Tom, Dick & Harry carrying on about how not only are they selfless non judgemental people but everyone else should be too. What irks me about this is more often than not these are offenders of social media activism, or more precisely gain notoriety through social media. They are inspirational, talented and adventurous individuals. Or are they really? In my experience people like this generally will only socialise with those that agree with everything they say and do while at the same time stroke their ego. I'd like to call them 'Sheeple' but that really is just a derogatory observation. It makes people happy to be validated and seen as a person of inspiration, even I need a little corroboration once in a while but I don't surround myself with people for the pure purpose of it.
I guess what I'm trying to point out is it's ok to do the things that make you happy. I'm comfortable being un-empathic in nature, I'm not the nicest or most caring person in the world. I am not a messiah or leader. These are things I'm ok with. I surround myself with people who are comfortable with who I am, it's a small group sure but an understanding one. The world would be a boring place if everyone agreed with everyone. Be comfortable with who you are. If it makes you happy then thats all that matters. Never let anyones opinion of who you are keep you from being yourself.
Gidget xx
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